Arachnophobia

It has really been too long since I have played a good joke on the OB&C (old ball & chain) - so tonight decided to step up the game a bit.

Now pay attention boys - this is the best  $0.35 cent joke on the planet and I want every male reader to not only pay attention closely, but to log it into ye' ole' memory banks for your personal future use. It is an oldy but goody...and lets just say the results were as good as any I could have hoped for.

Attached is the "setup" video I took previous to the OB&C's trip to the bathroom tonight getting ready for bed.......

Now I must say that it is truly unfortunate that I was unable to get to the B.R. door fast enough when she actually went in there for the audio recording follow up, but let it be known that it was recounted several minutes later to me of the actual terror I inflicted. This was of course a-midst a flurry of comments which all ranged to the effect of :

"You Asshole!!!!. Are you trying to give me a fucking heart attack or what?"

During my uncontrolled laughter she related how she literally skidded off the bowl, legs akimbo, pee pee a spray-in, while ripping her pants up and wadding that poor plastic bastard into a heap of T/P for summary execution by flushage....  all the while with only a hoarse throaty squawk of panic emerging from her mouth.  It wasn't until 15 minutes later, after she calmed down a bit, that she admitted she was so scared by the size of the thing that no sound was even possible.....

(Gods I fear for my plumbing.. but it was worth it even if it does clog.... )

I'm still laughing at this.....  I cant wait for my sister in law to visit....lol

J3

Well I enjoyed it....

Happy Birthday to the "LTM"

My lovely daughter, the "little trouble maker" just turned 11 today.... Isn't she just adorable?? I just love her new heart shaped glasses. It's enough to bring a tear to your eye I'm so proud of her....  (sob..)

And to think a single peanut brought this tear wrenching smile to her face.....

( Note to Self: This is what you get when you leave your iPad unattended) 

Silversun Pickups - Live at the Wellmont

Sunday May 5th and yet another show the wife procured for us....

Last go round, about a month or two ago was Citizen Cope, previous to that CSN and before that Janes Addiction. I must say, not only is the Wellmont a great place to see a show, but the bands they are bringing in are some heavy hitters.

I mean seriously, at the end of this month were going to see Korn...which I must say I am pretty fricken stoked to see at 47 yrs old :) cause the only corn I see now is at barbeques...

Personally I had only heard a few songs by Silversun Pickups previous to the show, the popular ones on XM radio and Pandora, but I must say they are pretty damn good. I will let you know how Korn turns out  :)

J3

Skunksville ~ 1 // J3 ~ 0

Well the first kayak fishing expedition was a bust, without even a single nibble, but not for lack of location, trying or weather.... It was a perfect day and I had a great time with J4. Thankfully there were no mishaps, accidents or problems, just 4 hours of beautiful day on a beautiful reservoir.

There were a few key take aways I did learn for next go round

1. Bring Sunscreen -  we are both paying for it with some nice burned arms and legs.
2. Measure the foot peg lengths before you go out into the water...(Insert Homer D'OH).  
3. After adjusting the foot pegs and before you launch, take your shoes off before you actually leave shore. Kayaks are not really conducive to foot ware  and are very limited and unforgiving to large leg movements (like taking off your shoes & socks) even to someone like me.
4. Get a Rod Mount for the front of the kayak......Fishing from a kayak is a far more clumsy and movement limited experience then I had imagined. Though incredible for positioning and stealth, if you are going for a 30 lb muskie you better bring big tackle and have it staged in the proper places  - with a backup plan on what you are actually going to do if you actually hook into one of those tooth riddled monsters. Cause when you bring a 3 to 4 foot tiger muskie up next to your boat, which by the way is only 10 inches off the water, with only 180 degrees movement and very limited space or room to move - you better be in queue or your going to be in a world of trouble real quick.  It was a disquieting feeling as I came to that realization, listening to the voice of Coop (FoF) in my head telling me that same thing not 3 days previous and now living the dream of just how how right he was... I mean seriously, I have fished for decades and I can tell you outright thinking back to this weekend, If I had I actually had the pleasure of  hooking one of those elusive monsters - I would have most likely cut the line when I got it next to the boat rather then risk the potential alternatives. You have to sit in one in the middle of a lake to get the full meaning of it - but trust me...lol..it could get bad very fast out there...

Outside that, we saw some good wildlife and had a fun time, but the Fish of 10,000 Casts as yet eludes me...

 J3

Look... an Otter

This story is long, but if you can bare it -read it... it's funny...

Several yrs back my family and 3 of my friends and their families took a vacation together out in Pennsyltucky. I won’t get into the whole thing, but Coop from FoF was there and another of our other buddies a.k.a “The Big Man” – because he is just that, a BIG Man… like about 6 or 7 feet tall big and ranging between 250 and 300 lbs – he’s a real knuckle dragger. (TBM – don’t hate the player, hate the game J)

Anyways – the house we stayed at had a medium sized lake on it and that lake was abosltively loaded with large mouth bass… I mean this lake was overflowing with fish… unfortunately none were over about 12 to 13 inches – but there were so many that it boggled the mind.

Now I love fishing, so once I overcame the disappointment of catching such small fish on every other cast, Coop, TBM and me determined that we would just enjoy the week and catch and release as many as possible and have a contest ( I was in the high nineties by the end of 6 days).

So the house had a 3 man row boat along with it, and each night after dinner we would hit the lake for some evening fishing, carting out our beer and gear and just drinking laughing and fishing…. It was great.

One evening it was very calm, we hit the middle of the lake and were fishing the numerous blooms of lily pads. 

We were standing and casting, Coop in front, me in the middle and TBM in the back. Now, if you have ever been in a Rowboat with 3 adult men who are all standing and casting actively, then you know it is a constantly shifting exercise to not hit anyone with a hook.

We were doing pretty good and were in a rhythm and after about an hour and from all the fish we were catching the bottom of the boat was covered in soaking wet dragged in weeds, mud from our shoes, fishing slime and a small sloshing puddle of just enough water that you couldn’t put anything on the floor and had to keep everything on the seats.

About this time Coop and I are working the same bed of lilies. We are constantly working around each other to cast on the prime spots and we start f’ing around on who has the most accurate cast. Now both of us played lacrosse for many yrs and we are both surprisngly accurate, really hitting the spots we are calling out, like literally within ½ inch of the edge of the bed that was like 40 feet away. Of course, as it turns out I land one and hook a lily pad which immediately digs in as I start tugging to free it up…

It is stuck good so I look at Coop and tell him “Heads up, I’m gonna yank it out of there” cause I want him to pay attention in case it shoots at us.

When we are both ready and I pull really hard – and of course – the double treble hooked Rapalla shoots out of the pad – rocketing at both of us, nut high, at like 50 miles an hour  - in a tangled mass of Gamakatsu ball snagging hooks of sharpness.

I can still remember the split second that our eyes met with the collective “OH SHIT” look and I clearly recall being impressed that 2 fat 40 something’s moved that fast, me leaping to the back, him to the front… as the lure passing between us safely without incident, while we look at each other and laugh – but neither of us were ready for the god awful booming and shaking that immediately followed as a 6 or 7 foot tall and  250 and 300 pound Big Man loses his balance in a small 3 man row boat.

I remember hearing  legs stomping on aluminum like a pissed off African bull elephant, arms pin wheeling and a look of “Oh Shit I’m going in” flashing across his face, as I look over my shoulder and see TBM off balance from our sudden maneuver, and falling backwards towards me – and of course towards the swill covered bottom of the boat.

Now, for some strange reason I suddenly believe I can salvage the situation and prevent him from falling in the bile ridden bottom of the boat, so I put my leg between him and ground zero to “Catch him”.

TBM proceeds to fall back, crash onto my leg, which immediately crumbles and slams my knee into the filth and then throws me off balance also. TBM is grabbing the boat side so as not to go over into the drink, but now the combine weight of the 2 of us rolls the whole boat up high on one side…. I briefly look over at Coop like “Oh Shit” as he  darts up to the top front top edge of the boat, like a cat not wanting to get wet, with the look of “Oh NOOO..We are all going over.....and I just bought  this pole…..”

To this day I don’t know what it was that saved us, I think he counter balanced us or something, but we didn’t flip and remarkably all our open tackle boxes, open beers & sweatshirts, and stuff stayed in the boat. Of course they all flew off the seats and landed directly in the toilet water bilge, but amazingly not one item was lost and suddenly, somehow, it all calms down….

We all recover and the lake gets deathly quiet….  We all look at each other shocked and all I remember is TBM saying… “God I hope no one saw that”…..

~~
So now, fully embarrassed, we collect up our stuff and move to another part of the lake… laughing and cursing about it…..

We get to another area where it is pretty heavy with reeds and weeds, trying to be obsucre incase someone is laughing at us and we start fishing again, reliving the moment and laughing away….  By this time it is getting dusk and you can see, but it is getting dark and it is just tough enough to make out things clearly…. (that is my defense I swear it!!)

Well, I look off the side of the boat about 30 feet out and see some movement in the weeds…. I'm watching it and no shit… I see a fricken River Otter poking its head up, looking right at me from the middle of the weeds.

Not being a River Otter scientist or anything, I say to the guys – “Holy shit man, look, an Otter!”  both the boys look where im pointing in disbelief, ready to unload a round of abuse, but then they both double take and don’t say anything – cause that little effer is looking right at us, little feet pulled up in front like a dog begging for a treat and it’s black nose pointed right at us…

Now seriously, there was a good 10 seconds in there that 3 grown men stared at this thing in dumbfounded silence as we all were trying to comprehend that an Otter was looking at us from across the lake – but then, when we all realized what we were looking at… well needless to say, the trip home was an abuse festival for J3…..

Trust me is wasn't a Black nose were we looking at either....

New Toys

I can't wait until this weekend....Now I just gotta get FoF out there so we can stalk some Otters. :).. But that is another post...

J3

Meanwhile in Europe...................

This just in.....

Massive Norway Cheese Fire

Do the words WTF come to mind?

Some 27 tons of flaming brown cheese, or Brunost, .....blocked a 1.9-mile tunnel near the northern town of Narvik when it caught fire last Thursday.

J3

Things Weren't that bad for me following Sandy...

Until I looked out my front door.

J3

Fail...lol..Why are the stupid just so damn entertaining..

J3

Scrumptilicious

Where I work there is a family of  wild Turkey that love to hang out in the complex parking lots where our buildings are. They have been there for a few years and I, being a-kin to Steve Irwin, have a little experience with these scrumpticious foul...

For example - round these parts, not many people realize the following points about Turkeys

1) They are fricken smart..... like devious and cunning smart.

2) They can run like Olympic Sprinters even through the heaviest brush.

3) The can fly short distances allowing them to roost in trees at night or escape quickly

4) Lastly - One that I didn't know until I stopped to click these pics, is that they are actually aggressive when protecting their young.

My vast experience with these sums up to when I was about 12 and decided to try to hunt them with nothing short of a boomerang, figuring if the natives could do it, then it couldn't be that hard for me... and of course it was a very short lived venture which failed miserably to the guffaws of a gaggle of turkeys as they sprinted away from me across a field and over a hill in about 2.2 seconds while I dove to the ground narrowly avoiding the incoming boomerang that was about to crack my skull....my throw was like 200 yrds short btw..It only went like 15 feet and the field was like a football field long... "Epic Fail" as my son like to say...

My other encounters with turkeys have usually been brief, with them usually seeing me from long distances away, laughing at me and then running off before I even take 1 single step....

But, opposite to all other turkeys I have encountered, these ones are a bit different.... These seem somewhat "numb to humans".. which I attribute to the fact that they not hunted - ever - and there are no predators who could possibly catch them if they are even 1% wary, so yeah, they got a cushy lifestyle...

Well, there I am, checking them out as they walk through the parking lot, me rolling slowly forward towards them in my car, thinking, "J3....Just floor it man, you cant miss them at this range, that's gotta be a 15 pound bird....." while imagining my BBQ with one of these bastards on there basting away over some open coals.... 

Then I suddenly notice one of them is "eye balling" me all  like he was gonna lay down the pimp hand on me or something. 

So I pop out the camera and snap a couple of pictures and then all of a sudden that Eyeballing Mfer's starts making these aggressive postures at me while walking towards my car. He was real determined and I'm like, wow he's got some balls on him - (not like Irish's cat mind you) but balls all the same, so I start to drive off cause I'm picturing this thing is going to actually attack my car and scratch (or peck) the shit out of it.. So as I start pulling away and it starts coming towards my car faster..

Now I'm thinking WTF is this bird actually coming after me???  I mean this guy is one pretty brave butterball... I hit like 15 mph and it was still trotting after me.... but soon broke off pursuit in obvious victory... (little fucker)

I gotta say, I really wish I had a cool ending, like I spun around, mowed his ass down in front of his wife and kids then ate him, but I just sped up and left him to puff his chest in victory at my retreating ass, while I went home for vegetables instead of  turkey..

fuck....I shoulda ate him...

J3

WTF...It must be carried down in the "XX"'s

Tonight I am sitting around watching the Idiot Box and the TOB&C (the Old Ball & Chain) brings down the boy (J4) and the Girl - LTM (Lil trouble maker) in their outfits they will wear tomorrow for school pictures -  just to "show me"...

J4 has the typical 13 yrs old boy look like..."Jesus Christ... just shoot me already" (of which I can relate hardily too),   but the LTM is showing off like she is on Project Runway, spinning around, dancing, etc...... and I must say, being a Dad an all I thought she looked damn good in that outfit...

Anyway... they leave and then about 30 min later LTM comes back downstairs to say good night and is now in her PJ's..... So trying to be a nice dad,  I say to her, "Well I thought you looked good in your new outfit"......

She stops in her tracks, looks me dead in the eyes and says,  "What is that supposed to mean?...That I don't look good now?".......

I was fricken dumbstruck and actually stopped speaking, mouth opening and closing with only grunts and whimpers coming out, like a retard wanting a peanut, cause I didn't know how to answer. All the while my mind quickly reeling through "WTF how does a 10 yr learn that trick this early on ?!?!?"

Now I gotta tell you, TOB&C catches me in that type of trap all the time and it is enough to make a grown man want to punch a hole in the wall in frustration, but from a 10 yr old, with no warning signs to avert danger, I quickly discovered that I was reduced to the bare rookie ranks of blubbering fool...without a come back or answer to be had..

On top of it I gotta say, her reply rolled off her lips as natural all get out and I swear I was speechless for a good 15 seconds stammering on how to actually answer - which in my case is like a sign of the apocalypse...

Actually, to tell the truth I was proud and embarrassed for myself all at once...

I pity the fool who marries this girl.... she is going to kill that stupid mf'er...lol

J3

Now THIS will expand your mind....

H/T to the Feral Irishman   -  The source of all things fun and interesting...

Where I Have Travelled

I cant recall whose Blog I saw that had this mapper,  but I book marked it as I thought it was pretty cool. I always felt like I travelled to so many more places then this....but in the scheme of things - I'm pretty happy i had the opportunity at all.....

Here is the link

visited 22 states (44%)

J3

Why Isn't She on our Olympic Team

I mean seriously....  Comon..... Where were these women whan I was growing up????

J3

Getting Old Blows

Well post my second 5K on the 4th I quickly discovered that I effed up my right leg's Soleus muscle. Never in my life have I had an injury from "running" but this little Effer hurts like no one's business and I have decided to stop running for several weeks to recover.

At this point even walking hurts and reading up on the muscle just points out that it is a common runner injury and usually comes from running on a lot of uneven surfaces.

(third one up from bottom on right side - runs right behind your shin bone......)

So now 2 + weeks out from my last gym visit - I am still getting little pain tingles when I walk, but is it is subsiding - but not quick enough for me.

My plan now is to wait until the end of this month and give  running shot again - if the pain comes back then I'm off to the acupuncturist for a few sessions  - and if you have never tried that before...you just don't know what you are missing in way of fast long lasting recovery for muscle or joint strains.....

I just cant conceive how mainstream America isn't using this medicine full force..It is practically painless, you put nothing in your body and your body actually heals itself without being numbed into submission with a battery of side effect causing drugs that the "quacks" push on you if you even pretend to have a minor ailment.

Seriously, this stuff works and it works well. I have gone 3 separate times for 3 different things and all have healed 100% within 2 sessions and have never bothered me again. ( Once guy tired an experiment on me and put them in my face. With 5 needles he cleared my sinuses so well I didn't snore for 2 weeks and got some of the best sleep I have ever gotten in my life....no shit.. I wouldn't have believed it either if it didn't happen to me. )

I will post a follow up later on about how I came to love acupuncture and how I swear by it now...and about how a guy actually made my arm stop responding to my directions to make it move with just 1 needle... no shit lol.. that was some scary stuff....lol

j3

5K #2 under my belt

Well - I ran in the Glenrock Nj 9/11 Tribute run on July 4th..... and I cant say if I Improved or not since Fathers Day....

I got:
316th place out of 401
31:42  - (a mere 10 seconds better then last)
5 stops to walk  ( it was fircken hot out even at 9:30 am)
Avg pace 10:13  - even to last time.... that was 10:15

So when I compare that I stopped 5 times vs 4 from last time - and still did a whopping 10 seconds better - I must conclude that I was running faster throughout to average... Which means i improved.. I think???  lol..

At mile mark one they said I was at 8:47  - which is about 4 minutes faster then my normal pace....

I will find another for August and my daughter has expressed she wants to run one with me in September...  So, post those I will bump up to 10K's and see how that goes......


Here is a shot of me crossing the finish line....

J3

What I am Currently Reading

I am always on the hunt for a good book....  I read everyday, even if it is only 10 minutes of time on "The Can".

Books are pretty crucial to me - they allow me to decompress my brain from working and I make it a point to never read anything that is not Fiction; Sci Fi or Fantasy.  I want no baring on actual news, politics or reality  - just a  solid story to remove my mind from my stress.

I usually rate my books 3 ways....

1. What have I heard about it from other sources - good, bad or ugly - I will often times not even touch a book if the masses tout it as great - because to me, most of the masses are fly by night readers - and to them, a great book is just pulp fiction.
2. Is the Author good enough to hold my interest. I know that sounds silly, but I have read so long over my lifetime that I read mostly by author now and not by title. I mean some people really know how to write (like Robert Jordan or George RR Martin ) and some don't....  I always get pissed when I read what I find to be an average writer and feel I should have taken more time in looking for a better book then wasting my finite time left in my life  - on reading their dull assed book....
3. Lastly - How do I rate my opinion of who told me about the book (I.E. do I feel that they read a lot and have their past suggestions been good or shitty.) This is the most challenging of the 3 as it is very subjective - but it often produces some interesting reads.
• Many times I have extended out from this and tried an experiment which has had mixed results... When I find someone who is a"big reader" I ask them flat out -  "don't think about it, just tell me the best book you have ever read." Most big readers will have 1 or 2 answers in like 10 seconds flat. I then look for that/those book(s). 

That startegy has turned up several winners for me... Like "The Pillars of the Earth"  or "The Painted Bird"  or "The Devils Guard"  all top notch finds for me - discovered from that simple question... BTW, I recommend them all.

Most times though, I will take other suggstions from people I find to be intersting and give them a shot - just for shits and giggles  - and every once in a while I hit on something I just cant put down......

So for todays choice  -  PISSED -   your up brother.....  :)


165 + Pages in  - in one sitting (which is a lot for me over a single day) ....  Burned up an entire Sunday - sitting in my backyard, under my shady pergola with a six pack of bud and eyes which couldnt read fast enough....

So far - I cant put this book down....

Good Choice Pissed.


J3

CSN live at the Wellmont.....

The set list was great,  vocals - still solid  - guitar playing - Better then ever....... Nuff said... Though it was pretty funny being at a concert with 2,000  50+ yrs old  fans and feeling like I was in the lower age bracket still at 46....

J3

The First 5K is under the belt

Well on Fathers day I ran my first 5K....and I have to say when I finished I was more then a  little disappointed with myself.....

I have always been a strong runner...and yet I am struggling with the fact that I am old, fat & slow - when all I ever knew was being one of the fastest runners around, easily passing or catching anyone I was up against....

Oh well....

So, here is the bad news.... 

1. Completely out of character for me - I went and bought actual running shoes (sidelining my faithful my high tops) These "customs fit shoes" a.k.a (Bullshit sales pitch) cost me $200.00. Which for me is literally the most expensive pair of shoes I have ever bought in 46 yrs
2. So race day comes and I start out pretty good, but as I come up on mile mark one, I start to see that there are already people heading back to the starting line. I'm like WTF.... I cannot  be this slow!!!!
3. By the time I hit the turn around, I'm ready to quit runnign forever.... I attribute this to 2 things....first, this was only the second time I ran outside off of the treadmill - and the changing terrain and the not controlled pace makes a  HUGE difference ( I never believed it, but now I'm feeling it full force and am realizing the suckability of the situation)......Additionally, right at the start I immediately got caught up in the first "no-no" of running in a distance race, which is - run your pace and don't try to keep up with everyone else. So of course I burn out early and by my return leg I wind up having to stop 4 times to walk (at about a 20 to 30 second loss of time each time). So now I'm getting really psyched out.

Now here is the good news -

Even with with all that crap, as well as being passed by geriatrics and kids like I was walking backwards  - and - even with all the "in my head cursing"   - I STILL finished the race in 31min. 52 seconds and came in 204 out of 265.....

So I'm thinking - man that sucks... but as I consider it more - It is actually pretty GD good....  here's why..

1. 31m 52s is my best time ever since I have been running.
2. I then start to realize that I did this  - even with 4 stops - where I lost maybe 1-1/2 to 2-1/2  total minutes... Son now I'm thinking if I can make it through without stopping then I'm at 29 to 30 minutes overall. I mean seriously, my best time for a 5 k on the treadmill since inception has been 36m 53sec. for a 5K - with no stops at all.....  So I'm like Holy Shit I shaved off like 5 minutes on my time and stopped 4 times to boot.
3. Every other person I speak to who runs I always ask the 2 things - 1) how long they have been running actively  2) what is their times on a 5K  - all of them are telling me about 2 to 3 yrs and anywhere form 28 to 35 minutes...

With this comparison and me having only run about 1 month - I am thinking I'm kicking ass now....

SOOOO.... now I'm signed up for my next race on the 4th of July....  I plan on either making it through with no stops OR watching my time closely and trying to make it in under 30 minutes - I will be happy with either.

I plan on doing about 5  - 5K's then move on to to the 10K - once i have a handful of those under my belt i will look for some harder things and then move onto the big league....

J3

From the Salt Mine - Sheesh

Is it just me or what !?!?!?  

Seriously, I'm all for things to do at work but this is pretty pathetic. These 2 fliers were posted side by side throughout our entire workspace.... Understandably & Ironically funny - Yet sad all the same.

J3

Makin Progress.....

Luvvv ittttt..

I'm at 211 (from 230) in 30 days and I haven't even really been trying too hard at all yet. I also signed up for a 5k on this coming Fathers day  - and have been hitting the gym 3 to 4 nights per week now - for a short term goal.

Tuesday I wanted to see how a 5K would feel  - so I ran one at the gym. After conferring with some co-workers who also run a lot and based off their advice, I kept it lite and started at 3.5 mph  - and slowly clicked it up the speed towards the end...I did it in an embarrassing 53 minutes - but the good part is I walked off knowing I could have busted out at least 3 more miles when I stopped, and secondly, I now I can do it and not pass out.

I did some further follow ups and am finding out most "runners" are doing the 5K in about 28 to 35 minutes - so I have a goal to meet.. :).

Last night I hit the gym again and ran another 5K and this time I walked off having completed it at 4.2 and in 47 minutes - and knew I still had another mile or so in me.. Tonight I adjust to 4.5 and run 4 miles - as I am looking for that speed vs distance ratio where I am tired but still have power - and can hit in the mid 30 minute range....for a 4 to 5 mile run..  I know you think "well just do the math and maintain this speed for this distance" - but it is always easier said then done and besides - I'm a bit bull headed and always want to push it further and father in shorter times...God I long for the days when I could easily average a 6 minute mile and run 5 miles like I was walking to school.....Damn I miss Lacrosse..

Oh well, I will keep pushing... I'm gonna blow all those fuckers outta the water.... In 6 months I will be busting out marathons if I can keep up this pace..and on top of all of it - I feel fricken great....

J3

Now That's What I'm Talking about !!!!

I have been off  Beer during the M-Th for 3 weeks now....  ( I will never fully quit that luscious nectar, but I will try dammit...)

I have hit the gym consistently for 2 weeks now - light but hard workouts of treadmill and weights - about 45 min per - for 4 nights per week (you would be amazed at how good hitting the gym at 10pm really is - place is usually empty, no waiting and no knuckleheads standing around talking). I have always been a strong runner and am currently in my quest for Marathon gold doing 1.5 miles per session on a 3% incline at 5mph...in 13 minutes...  To me that sucks (I haven't looked to see how my fast Kenyan competition runs a mile in - but I will get there)  Besides, my fat ass has to start start somewhere and to tell you the truth at the end of that first mile I am ready to fricken die...lol...but a 10 minute rest allows me to go back for that extra .50

I am also using a new calorie tracking website - My Fitness Pal - which my buddy hooked me up with which is really easy to use, super effective, and can be accessed from Mobile; Ipad or computer. This is a calorie counter - not a diet. It sets easy to attain goals which you can control - I love it....Plus as an added bonus it is free - which means it is for me!!!

So for shits & giggles lets just say I started this healthy lifestyle change fiasco on May 1st of 2012.....Start weight - a record breaking 230lb... My life time achievement record of fatness...

Well, at weigh in today - right after wake up, potty break and  a shower.....I'm logging in at 213lbs in my birthday suit.....  That's right kids - 17lbs in 23 days..... another 23 to go and I can rejoin the the porn industry as a leading man.... Hell man - I might even make it by the end of June....

PS:  When I told the OB&C (Old Ball& Chain) this morning about how much weight I have lost - I really thought she was gonna slug me in the jaw...Luvvvvv Ittttttttt....

Here is a quick pic  for you of the new me I snapped last night at the Gym.....

J3

To Fat for my own damn good....

I know it has been a while since I posted, so I will endeavor to put down my next endeavour.

I enjoy being a bit edgy whenever I can - always pushing things just enough to where they are scary or dangerous or just a step further then the rest - cause lets face it - M80's are fun - but M80's thrown at someone out a moving car are even funnier. (not that I would ever do that of course)

My good friend Coop once told me that I remind him a of mix between Ted Nugent and Steve Irwin.....  I don't think he meant "Old Man" Nugent, but the wild and rowdy Nugent from when we were teens (that's how I took it anyway...)

As to Steve Irwin - well it is not cause I'm good with animals - but then again M80's thrown at Hornet nests are of course the most fun, especially when there are other people close to ground zero who don't know it's gonna happen...

Coop's commentary was  primarily centered around me always having these big "holy shit wouldn't that be cool"  idea's and then talking my friends into doing them with me - even though the marks on the "This is a really BAD idea" board usually scored in the 9 or 10 range...most of the times everyone did them  - and enjoyed them.....like when there were 8 people are all looking at each other as we "Skitched" behind a friends jeep going 30 mph at midnight down a dark snow covered road - laughing our asses off  while not worrying about the chance of dying as we were skidding around corners with the driver accelerating.... (lol...I know they enjoyed it)

One of the last things I proposed was building a life size Trebuchet and shooting it at our buddies farm... He is a farmer and does pumpkins every year....So I was like, "Dude....Lets build a trebuchet and shoot whatever you cant sell".  This immediately morphed into "Dude - lets charge people $5.00 a shot and let them shoot what they buy into your field - we will make a boat load of money"  .... but the classic touch was Coop's comments of rolling it out to the Roadside with a sign that said on it "Free Delivery".... ( I still laugh at that)...

So anyway back to my pointless story....Around this time I'm hitting 46...and after some conversations I find out a friend of mine from back in high school recently passed away from a H/A @ 47 with a 4 yr old kid .....Of course this gave my 230lb, 5'9", no exercising,  too many beers a day drinkin, couch potato ass a serious reflect on my life scare.... and I figure - time to change things up.

On top of this I'm always thinking about another friend of mine from work who actually died and was resuscitated on the table (several yrs back). This guy is now the flarkin poster child for heart care. Seriously...if you fart near him and it smells too "strong" - he pesters you to go to the Dr. and get checked out...(so he is ALWAYS bugging me..lol)

Anyway  -  few days back - I wake up and BAM.... I get these really bad chest pains, like I have never felt before.... I'm like WTF... NO WAY...this cant be happening today.... and proceed to get really farking nervous....Of course they don't stop but it becomes only this really annoying constant pain...

So what do I do, of course,  I ignore it like any red blooded man would and I tough it out, pull up my big girl pants and I go to work... but by noon it hasn't stopped and is just as bad....and now I'm getting nervous cause all I hear is the poster boy in my head "why would you even take the chance."Eventually I'm like F'it, he's right, better safe then dead.....and long story shortened - I go to the Doc, get the EKG and no issues, apparently I pulled chest muscles from heavy lifting the day before and it is a big false alarm... big relief..

Well of course I then go for the full physical (cause I'm thinking of Coop who is a couple of yrs younger then me and his recent run in with his health) and I'm asking the Dr. about every scan in the book, including when to go for "The Pipe" - envisioning he is gonna say  "NOW"  and spin me around, rip my pant down, wheel in a telescope and have his way with the holiest of holies right then and there..... But he walks me back from the ledge and gives me the regular battery of tests....and of course.....I come out with firkin flying colors - clean as a whistle inside and out - if you get me....  BP 120/60 Chol 175...etc... but of course I am too fat (45lbs according the that shitty BMI scale which I think is total BS...but that is another story).

Well, about the time I heard my buddy passed, and before the chest pain thing, I decided it was time for a life change and I hung up my six pack holster between M-Th with the full on intentions of quitting  for good f at all possible... forever. But knowing this is neigh on impossible - I am approaching it from a "Don't deprive - just avoid whenever you can" aspect  - and will play it from there... so far, I have dropped 11 lbs in 2 weeks just from stopping drinking so much.

Of course I then get the Gym membership re-activated (since I have been paying them for a yr just to stay open)...and I hit my first hour session on the treadmill tonight....

So why this long and pointless dissertation? - cause Mr. Nugent, here is the next Endeavour I'm going for - maybe not this yr - but If I can - I will for 2013...

J3

mmmMMMmmmMMMMmmm......Skeksis.....

I wanted to post a picture of our work mascot who I like to refer too as "Skeksis".

He or his partner (who looks exactly like him or her) - is often found perched on the 4th floor balcony of our cafeteria  - with nasty chunks of roadkill sometimes stuck to his buzzard beak or claws.....  (currently there is some bloody goo on the end of his beak, but you have to really zoom in to see it)

Skeksis is particularly gross looking as he eyeballs you through the glass at times, with his little beady eyes, giving you a look like he is just waiting for you to kick the bucket so he can pluck out your eyeballs for a snack.

I fricken hate this thing... it just looks so fricken gross I almost want to call pest control to get rid of it - but it fascinates me at the same time... I mean look at it..his red head looks like a tortured scrotum, his eyes like some xanthelasmata encrusted sideshow freak and you can literally see through his nostril holes completely - like a ring of meaty bone... It is just sooo gross you almost want to puke, but you just cant stop looking at it....

I have at times seriously wanted to grab his ass and put a metal hoop ring through that nostril cavity - like a bull has - to make him look really bad ass - but I know he would probably bite the living shit outta me if I ever actually caught him, eating my fingers off like popcorn shrimp or something and scratching me like a huge, pissed off Tasmanian devil....(his talons are a good inch long and sharp and that beak is sharp as hell and has a wicked little meat hook to it)

You do have to give it to him though... We had those bird spikes installed on the ledge to get rid of him - and they are sharp as hell trust me cause I tested one when I got them installed  - but he just uses them to scratch his nasty bird ass as he squashes them down without a care....laughing at me... like he is now...

It's an evil laugh, a Carrion laugh..... a Buzzard Nazi laugh.....damn him.....

(and if you don't know what "skeksis" is - look it up yourself)

J3

Janes la Adicción

I'm not quite sure how it happened, but last week I found myself seated in the Wellmont Theater in Montclair  Nj. watching the first rock concert I have seen in possibly 2 decades.

I walked out, happy to have had the time with my wife, but also with a firm understanding of the term "Generation Gap" and the fact that I am "Officially Old".

 My wife.. She loves music. She goes to at least 4 or 5 concerts a year for the past 2 or 3 years with her groupie girlfriends, but they mostly got to see those washed up has-been 80's bands that travel the "B- Circuit" like Duran Duran and Pet Shop Boys  - but there are some bands that still inspire even my old ass away from the X-Box, like "Jane's Addiction".
 
So last Tuesday I found myself on a date with my wife, sitting in the balcony of the Wellmont while a 53 yr old Perry Farrel and the  44yr old "Ink Master" Dave Nevarro assailed my old assed eardrums for 2 hours with their flavor of Rock & Roll. It was a good show, strange... but good.
I must say though, I was really struck by 2 things at this concert .... (outside the show)

1)  Old Bands = Old Fans.....  and not that that is a bad thing, because this was one of the few concerts I have been to that the crowd around me was in my age group ( mid forties) and where I actually had a seat and no one stood up so that you could actually "Watch" the show. Although by the end of that show the place was JAMMED.... WAY  over legal occupancy I am sure cause that place was standing room only by the second half of the show.

2) Louder does not always = Better....  My fricken ears are still ringing...

Aside the fact I have trouble hearing to begin with, I am usually loathe to immerse myself into a closed, hot, no AC worth a damn, stinking of shitty dirt weed pot type of room that I am catching a full force frontal assault of  of music that is so loud I cannot even hear myself scream in my own head.... (does that make you old or sensible ? or is that what getting old makes you - sensible?)









Anyway the show was cool... Perry Farrel & Dave Nevarro are still fricken freaks - but they can still play some great Rock & Roll and it was a good time - even though I felt a bit out of place...But what the hell - when the wife asks you on a date, get the hell out there and enjoy it while you can.

J3

(P.S.  next month she is taking me to see "Snow Patrol" - who are pretty damn good if you haven't listened to them before)

From The Salt Mine - Director of Facilities

Why do I love my job?  Yet one more reason....

So for the past year our company has been growing in leaps and bounds, and because of that, our staff has been growing at light speed, and of course our space which is now required to seat everyone has had to keep pace along with the growth.

There are certain things I do very well, one of those things is project management with a very high level of detail being maintained and the other is Construction ( Coop at FoF can tell you how myself and Matty K built half of Hoboken in the 1990's).Well, as our facilities grew, I was able to wheedle my way onto the new space construction project and within a few months was given the opportunity to run it as it is very time consuming. 

I have been running the crap outta this project ever since....  so much so that I have been joking around with the Overlord that I should be given the title of "Facilities Manager" since I seem to have become the De Facto "Go To Guy" now for everything facilities & operations in our location... 

Well because the guys I work with all have a good sense of humor - I was summoned to the Overlords office the other day to be given a gift of appreciation for my hard work.....

Was it a Promo? Nope.
Was it a Raise?  Nope.

Was it funny?   Of course. 

So now I have to wear this whenever I hit the job site  - and of course the work crews are all giving me the WTF stares....  But hey... F'-it - I'm not there to amuse them....and I think it was funny.. so they just have to deal with it dammit...

J3

Scratch & Sniff

OK - this is gross...but I'm posting it anyway..... The other day I'm driving from one office to another - about a 20 minute drive in all.

I decide to stop at Starbucks... I have always been a big fan and drink their coffee at least 3 to 5 times per week. I make a quick stop, grab a "tasty beverage", then hit the road and drive on...

15 minutes later I pull into the office parking lot  - and as I make the turn in....I'm just finishing my coffee. I tilt the now almost empty cup back for the last dregs - and I pass through some sunshine, I see the following through the bottom of my cup.

Yeah I almost puked, but I console myself by thinking that it was written on the outside bottom of the cup and not the inside bottom  - which is not much, but it helps me to avoid the thought that someone didn't just bust a nut in the cup right before serving it to me - cause THAT THOUGHT is just not good....

A call to SB Cust Serv resulted little in way of them giving a shit.... and unfortunately without a reciept I'm not getting anywhere- so my next step is to head back to the store and see the manager and have some words with him about his staff.

I'm not much for "lawsuits" and I have to think this was just some dumb monkey fooling around at work and not even thinking about the possible repercussions - but GD it makes my stomach churn every time I look at that cup....

J3

Call me Bubble Boy - but I'm just fine where I am......

In other words, you can see through your bubble, but you need to get out more.